Brick Walls

Had really good day yesterday, run to work was lovely, work was good, busy but good and just was in happy shiny mood all day :o)

Then i went to meet Roger to pick up present his Mum had sent up for me. And so we start going round in circles again. It's like all these conversations aren't happening, it's like that the past 15 months have been all in my head clearly. Why did you say you could'nt trust me? He says. Well Roger, beccause you lied to me, you lied when you ended our marriage, you lied lied lied and lied again.Why didn't you try to change my mind? Well Roger, because you knew i had no desire for anymore children and you knew by saying that to me that i'd have no comeback, oh and you lied about it. Oh, and you started staying out all night, hiding your phone etc etc, i was fuckin happy by time i managed to remortgage and get you out, yes, happy.I stupidly mentioned i'd been on phone to Phil for an hour last week, i should learn to just say what needs saying and no more really. This started the whole Phil debate again.Apparently i would be naturally attracted to Phil cause he bears resemblance to Roger, being dark n all. for fucks sake. One of the girls *pursuing* Roger apparently looks like a rougher older version of me, even though she is younger than me. This rules her out, not being as good as me and all that. For fucks sake. Yes, i know i'm saying that a lot.

He the told me his friend Pam, (whom i've never met btw) told him that we'd get back together! I sighed deeply and kinda lost plot. I told him to go get himself a girlfriend , he said he'd had plenty offers. So take them up then for fucks sake. I actually feel like i'm going round and round in circles. I was fed up and depressed by time i left him, went home, had food and went to bed.

I was cheered up somewhat by phonecall from Nick to hear all about his epic race last weekend, i'm so very proud of him, he rocks. It also gave me bit more confidence about the weekend as i've been wibbling a bit about running 55 miles, eeep.

Had restless night's sleep and woke up waay too many times :( run to work was bit pants too, calf bit sore again. *sighs*