If life was perfect

Then we wouldn't have anything to moan about i guess?

Tim made a comment on facebook yesterday about not putting a daffodil on his picture to support Marie Curie beause he feels all of us should have right to die at home & have free care, not just cancer sufferers.

Now i dont disagree with that in slightest. My mum chose to go to Marie Curie, she thought she'd get the best care for her last days and she was right. She came home for my 21st Birthday along with 2 nurses to care for her and went back in the evening. As i've said, she chose that and i'm eternally grateful to Marie Curie for making her last days comfortable.

My Dad however was a different story. He had lung cancer. At first he was in hospital, then home, then back in hospital when pain management got too tough. But he started acting stranglely, it was put down to the drugs they kept changing to control the pain he was in. He decided to go St Columbus Hospice, once he got settled in there and we saw his room, the staff etc it put our mind at rest that he was settled. After 2 nights there he was being disruptive and after talking to doctors it was decided to move him to dedicated oncology ward at Western General. Again it was put down to changing drugs etc.

We left him settled in and peaceful at Westrn general and i remember going home and actually relaxing for first time in weeks thinking he'd calmed down.

Hadn't long put Stephen to bed (he was 7 at time) and had couple glasses wine. Then the phone rang. It was the police. They wanted to come and collect me & take me to the hospital. Clearly i was alarmed getting call from police, and wondering why on earth they'd call me, why not the hospital? I told them i'd just put my son to bed, i was told to get him back up.

Police car arrived minutes later and we sped to hospital sirens and lights going full pelt. Exciting for a 7 yr old, very alarming for me. We arrived to find road cordoned off, 3 fire engines and several police cars blocking entire busy road. I might add it was late Oct, wet and very windy.

Turns out my Dad had jumped out a window, ran along top a connecting tunnel and climbed up a ladder and was now refusing to move. He had a big stick and was banging it against some pipe,a gas one apparently, hence the fire engines etc.

Police negotiators were brought in and we sat for hours in reception whilst they tried to talk him down. My Uncle eventually persuaded them to let him talk and he managed to get him down safely. He was up there for 4 hrs,in torrential rain and high winds in just his pyjama bottoms. We had to get him sectioned that night.

Sectioned. Funny how you think things cant get any worse then it just does. Next day i visited him, i left in utter despair. The place had holes in walls where people had been punching it, the tv had a protective screen around it. It was full of drug addicts, alcoholics and schizophrenics. This was not the place for a cancer patient. Yet this is where he spent his last 2 weeks.

Life isnt perfect, nor is it black & white. Sometimes we cant choose where we get to spend our last days.

I give to Marie Curie by direct debit, i give to them everytime i see thm collecting in the street,i did again today on way home. I wish i could give more. I also give direct debit to Cancer research, makes perfect sense to me.

In other news, i ran to gym, ran to work then came home.

Cherish the ones you love.